Do you need family friendly work?

If you haven't read "I Don't Know How She Does It" by Allison Pearson, you need to pick it up. It is a great story (fiction) about a busy working mom trying to manage it all. Kate, the main character, works at what Sylvia Ann Hewlett (author of "Off Ramps and On Ramps") characterizes as an 'extreme job.' On a daily basis, Kate gets up and sneaks out the door before her young children can protest. Her kids are in the care of a wonderful nanny, but Kate often returns home after the kids are in bed. She travels a lot and misses a lot of important moments with her kids.

In spite of her lack of time with her kids, Kate is very much a loving and caring mom. I truly believe that it is not the time you spend with your kids that makes you a good parent, it is what you do as a parent. I really do subscribe to the cliche that it is quality, not quantity that matters. In fact, there are many stay-at-home parents that are quite neglectful of their children.

My concern for those that do work in extreme jobs is that they are missing out on some of the fun of being a parent. If it is all work, all the time, your time with your kids will often be hectic and focused on whatever activity is at hand instead of just enjoying them.

The one thing I've figured out about the whole work/family balance thing is that when you are away, you forget what you are missing because time flies by. Generally, I have been lucky to have a great work arrangement and spend all of the time I want to with my kids. But, I have had business trips that have kept me away for several days in a row, or workweeks where I worked more than full-time. During those weeks, I didn't really think about what I was missing.

When you are busy with work that is interesting to you, you can easily become consumed with your work and not think about all of those moments you might be missing with your kids. While five hours with your toddlers may seem to last a lifetime, five hours of exciting work goes by in a minute. As a result, you often don't realize what the valuable time with your kids that is slipping by.

I think ths is to some extent a good thing, guilt is not something you should spend your time on. However, the bottom line is that you can't get time back. Before you know it your kids will be grown and you will be staring at their empty rooms and wondering what happened.

So do you need family friendly work? While I encourage full engagement in your career, if it is possible to step back some and spend some time with our children, I think you should consider doing so. As Leslie Bennetts points out in "The Feminine Mistake," the time you spend raising your children actually turns out to be only a short period of your long-term career. So maybe finding some flexibility to spend more time with your kids now is something you should consider.