Helping Others

I started my day doing yard work for my in-laws, and ended it helping my mom take out her trash. Did I do these things because I have loads of free time and needed something to do? Of course not, I haven’t had free time in years. In fact, spending my time helping them out was time away from work that I needed to get done.

Of course I help my family out because they are my family who I love and care about. But I also believe in karma. If you are always willing to help others, then they will always be willing to help you.

I often hear from other parents that they don’t have anyone to help them with their kids. Their family lives out of town, or if they are in town, they are rarely willing to take the kids. Or they don’t have any friends willing to help.

But if you look for opportunities to help others, eventually it will come around to you. To me, it is not about an even exchange. That is, I don’t expect a friend to take my kids for a few hours just because I took hers for a few hours. I just think that if I always look for opportunities to help my friends and family, someone will be available to help me when I need it.

Flexibility = Control

When I talk to people about flexibility at work, I find many different perspectives on what it means. For some, it means the ability to pick the work schedule they want. Others want some flexibility to occasionally change their schedule to meet their needs, or the option to work at home. For me, it means that I can make my own schedule on a weekly basis.

The common thread in all of these definitions is control. Flexibility at work means having some control over where and/or when you work. The degree of control that you need will vary based on your personal situation, but a family friendly work arrangement requires some level of control.

In fact, researchers at the University of Minnesota that wanted to study work/family interactions, chose to study schedule control instead of flexibility (see article). They felt that control over schedule was a better measure to tap into what is important for parents.

So as you work on making your work more family friendly, consider how you can get more control over your work schedule.

Stop the Mommy Wars

The debate on whether or not to work is still a women's issue. The fact that men aren't faced with this dilemma is a complex story that I won't get into at this point. It is encouraging that more men are staying at home, but for now, we are only facing Mommy Wars.

The Mommy Wars is the ongoing debate on who is a better parent, a working mom or a stay-at-home mom? Much media debate has occurred on both sides and many variations on the argument exist. Generally working moms say they are better because they are economically independent and are teaching their children many things such as the value of hard work. Generally stay-at-home moms argue that they don't want their children raised by someone else and working is doing a disservice to your children.

I refuse to engage in the debate. I am a working mom, and think I've made the right choice for myself. However, I respect those that choose to stay-at-home. (I do believe, however, that stay-at-home moms should make an effort to keep themselves marketable to the outside working world should illness, death or divorce require them to return to work.)

I won't engage in the debate because I believe it is a waste of our time and energy. There will always be stay-at-home moms and working moms. What we need to focus on is finding more opportunities to create a middle ground. The middle ground, what I call family friendly work, is an opportunity to have meaningful work and spend the quality time you want with your kids.

More and more moms are finding that middle ground, however, many still insist on engaging in this debate. What bothers me the most is that there are many stay-at-home moms that are really working moms. For example, they might run an online business or do direct sales, but still advocate their view that only stay-at-home moms are good moms. In fact, in reviewing some articles on the topic, I found an ABC news article where one of the "stay-at-home" moms had started a magazine (see article)!

That is my goal in advocating for family friendly work. There is no reason to judge others on their personal choices. If you want to spend some time trying to build a better world for children, then use your energy to try to convince more companies to offer flexible work, or encourage more parents to start demanding what they need!

Working Online

The Internet has brought a world of opportunity to those who wish to stay home, but would still like to generate income. Many parents have been able to start a business while at home, without having to do direct sales. Many parents sell products they make or provide services such as graphic design, writing, or consulting. Others sell products they buy wholesale. The possibilities are endless.

One of the great things about starting an online business is the help that is available from others. Need help setting up a web page? Dealing with a difficult customer? Understanding local tax requirements? There are many parents working from home that are willing to help.

For example, I found some great ideas on how to promote my website through a listserv run by The MomPack. I’ve also found some great ideas on the forums on the Smart Moms – Smart Business website. There are many great parents online that have experience and are willing to share. Further there are many opportunities to network with other home businesses and exchange website links to get free promotion of your website.

As your business grows, you may want to also consider joining a work-at-home association for additional support. Check out Small Office-Home Office and also the Freelancers Union.

Staying Up Late

Tonight we met a few other families out for an Independence Day parade. It was a fun night out, the kids had a ball with their bags out waiting for candy. The entertainment gave me and my friends a chance to chat while the kids eagerly watched the upcoming floats.

After the parade, the community organizers were going to show a movie, starting around 9:30pm. This start time is a good hour past my preschoolers bedtime. The other parents were fine with the late night, but I'm not quite ready for the late night pursuit with my kids. In addition the fact that they aren't too fun if they don't get enough sleep, I had some things I needed to do.

I still count on bedtime as a time go get some work done. For me, it is often paid work. But for many other working parents I know, post-bedtime is often just a time to get laundry or other household work done.

It would have been fun to stick around for the movie. But, for now, I think I have my priorities in place. It isn't always easy to switch gears and try to get some work done, but it is the schedule I chose so that I could have more time to go out and do fun things with the kids.