Happy (belated) mother's day!

My kids treated me to breakfast in bed yesterday. Actually, my husband did. The kids started to help him, but then talked me into letting them watch cartoons in my bed and he lost them. But it is the thought that counts.

The real treat, however, comes later this week when I escape for a girls weekend. Some friends and I are headed south for a few days of fun and sun. I am so looking forward to a few days of no work, no housework and no runnnig kids around.

Interestingly, a few moms I've talked to don't understand the girls weekend (or even worse, mom and dad only weekend). I've heard things like "oh, I could never leave my kids" or "I would just miss my kids too much."

Well, of course you miss your kids if you go away for the weekend. But, it isn't a reason not to go. And really, never leave your kids? Ever? Do you think your kids won't survive without you?

What many moms don't get is that a little break from the kids is rejeuvinating. Getting some time on your own is good for you. It makes you less stressed, and as a result, a better mom. Some of the moms who've told me they can't leave their kids are dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety as they try to please everyone. Ultimately they often end up losing patience with their kids, or becoming so stressed they make themselves sick. Both of which are a lot worse for your kids than a few days without you.

Swine Flu...the case for sick days

Mandated time-off is one aspect of family friendly work that has very little government support. As noted many times, the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is the only provision for U.S. workers to be able to take time off without threatening their job security. And the FMLA has serious limitations as it only applies to companies with more than 50 employees, and the time-off provided is unpaid.

Time-off allowances would help those trying to raise a family significantly. Many who have family friendly work arrangements note that their ability to take time off helps them create harmony in their life. However, it is time to understand the public interest in allowing employees to take time off when needed.

I suspect that we will see the Swine Flu spreading more quickly in the U.S. as we don't have federally mandated time-off provisions. Many workers with the flu will report to work and share the flu with their co-workers. Why would they do such a thing? Because if they don't, they may lose their job. Or, at least they will often lose a day's wages which might make the difference on paying the rent this month. Many children with the flu will likely go to school because their parents must go to work and do not have another alternative.

I would hope that companies would see the benefit of offering paid time-off benefits to employees. But, when times are tight, companies cut back where they can and paid time-off is not required. If it were required of every employer, then one company would not be able to have a financial advantage over another by not providing time-off benefits.

The argument against providing paid time-off is that it would put many small businesses under to provide such a benefit. However, I see it as a cost to doing business. Further, by allowing your workers paid time-off, you can prevent them from coming to work when they are sick. If you can recover from an illness properly, you can be more productive at work. You will also prevent other workers from getting sick.

A few websites with some further discussion on the topic:
Momocrats
Center for American Progress
CommonDreams
MomsRising
9to5

How schools work against working parents

My husband and I moved to our current home, in part, because of the reputation of the local school district. Our community boasts a highly rated public school system that attracted us to buy a home and pay outrageous property taxes. What we didn't consider, however, was the school's attractiveness to a working parent.

While the community does have some after-school child care programs available, none are on site at the schools. I've heard from parents in other school districts about wonderful programs right in their child's school that provide structured activities, at a very reasonable cost and with much flexibility.

To make things worse, our district has just announced some decisions targeted at reducing costs. One such change involves student bussing to babysitters or day care centers. Since the school does not provide after-school care, many parents rely upon the bus to transport their child from the school to a babysitters home (often another parent in the school district) or to a day care center (all within the school district). Starting next year, our district will no longer bus a child to any location except their own home. The district states that this change will allow them to better 'maximize efficiency.'

It seems to me that this is just another decision that makes life more difficult for working parents. While after much thought I can see that they might be able to save a little bit of money, the headaches they are causing working parents are well beyond the small cost savings this provides. The district is looking to pass a new levy next year and my best guess is that this is an effort to make life so painful for some residents that they will pull out full support for the levy.

This is yet another example of evidence that while we have made some progress in the workplace, in general our communities are not friendly to working parents. I've been told by friends about PTA's that only meet during the day, teachers who are only available to meet with parents during school hours, and other signs of lack of flexibility to meet the needs of working parents.

While some communities have made great progress in providing support for working parents, it seems that some communities still count on a majority of parents (mostly moms) to stay at home in order to manage daily life.

The Berenstain Bears

My kids usually watch a cartoon at bedtime, and The Berenstain Bears is sometime the cartoon of choice. The kids enjoy The Berenstain Bears, we have dozens of their books. I like them because they always have a subtle life lesson that they share.

Tonight the kids watched an episode while I rushed around putting away some laundry and organizing some things for tomorrow morning. As I was passing through the room I heard Mama Bear despairing about being so busy all of the time. She caught my ear and I decided to take a few minutes and sit down with the kids to watch the rest of the show.

The Bears seemed to be living our life. Mama Bear and Papa Bear were busy with work, PTA meetings, volunteer work and housekeeping. Brother Bear and Sister Bear were involved in karate, dance, swimming, soccer, baseball and other activites beyond school. (side note: apparently the Berenstain's weren't very creative with names).

As usual the Bears concluded the show by realizing how they were headed down the wrong path. As they became confused about where they were going next, and ultimately missed some activities because they were so busy they forgot to get their car repaired, the family finally decided they were doing too much. Grandma Bear, who was frustrated that she couldn't get on their calendar for dinner, pointed out to them that there is a difference between 'doing and over-doing.'

The family then sat down and decided what they really wanted to keep doing, and what activities they could live without. As I sat watching the show, I felt like I was being given a 'sign' or a reminder that I need to slow down. I say it all the time, 'we should try to be less busy.' But, then I go on and sign the kids up for the next activity, and I commit to the next committee myself. Maybe I should be listening to more to Grandma Bear.

Seasons of Your Life

Today I received a note from www.blogged.com letting me know that my blog received a rating of 6.2 (out of a possible 10) in their recent review of my blog. At first I was dissapointed, but then I read their criteria which included frequency of updates. As its been more than 2 weeks since my last post, I guess am not surprised at the rating. When I started this blog, I committed to posting two times a week and I did so for nearly two years. But, last fall when I took on a full-time teaching position, I decided to let go a little and just post when I had time. Lately, I just haven't had time.

I probably could find time. I pick my kids up from school each day at 3pm. But, because their school is also a day care center, I could pick them up later. In fact, I could pick them up at 6pm each day and have a lot more time to post in my blog and get ahead on some projects. However, right now the kids aren't involved in a lot of activities and so I can enjoy just hanging out with them. We don't have much more time like this, and since I do have the flexibility in my work to allow me to pick them up early now, I will continue to let some things slide.

I was involved in a program last week with our local YWCA which provided women leaders support in finding work/life balance. As part of the program, I facilitated a panel discussion with some successful female leaders who shared their experiences. One of the executives on the panel mentioned how her work and life balance strategies changed as she moved through the seasons of her life. The point of 'seasons of your life' came up several times in our discussion. The idea is that at different times in your life, you have different needs and opportunities for work/life balance. This executive, for example, currently has children in high school and her career is at a steady point. So she is now pursuing more personal interests. She discussed earlier seasons when she was more focused on her kids, or more focused on her career.

And so while I continue to work to promote more family friendly work opportunities, during this season of my life, I may not spend as much time as I did in the past (or will in the future) on some activities such as this blog. But seasons change, and my interests and free time will as well.