Imperfect Mom

One of the biggest struggles for me as a working mom is getting past the image of ‘super mom’ that we feel pressure to achieve. Most of the stress I feel about my work/life harmony is with things I am not doing on the home front.

So I am just going to throw it out on the table, admit a few things that I feel I am not doing well. So here goes…

Why I am an imperfect mom:

• My three-year old makes semi-regular trips down the hall at 2am to crawl into bed with me and my husband. Everything I read says this is not a good thing, we are not teaching her good sleep habits, she is interrupting our sleep etc. I’ve read that with some strict persistence, she will stop after a few nights or weeks of us saying no. But I am just too tired to battle her. She’s had bad sleep habits since she was born, and at this point I am counting on the physical exhaustion of her teen years to get her to stay in her own bed.

• My kids do not eat as well as they could. Thank goodness for the great pre-school they go to that serves them a well-balanced meal each day. I work in some fruit and veggies hear and there, but I know they eat too much pizza and chicken nuggets.

• I don’t know that I’ve given them the opportunity to participate in all of the sports/activities that they should. They are only 5 and 3, but every time I talk to another mom, I learn of yet another activity that my kids aren’t involved in. Maybe my daughter is going to miss her opportunity to be a world famous dancer because she didn’t start when she was born??? Will my son miss out on his chance to be a starter on the high school soccer team because I didn’t sign him up last season??? Who knows what all they are missing out on.

So these are a few of the things that keep me up at night. There are more, but I can only confess to so much at once. It feels good to admit my failings. Or better yet, to consider that maybe these aren't so bad anyway.

Social Responsibility

Something I always emphasize is that your work and family decisions are personal. That is, only you can decide what is best for your own arrangement in caring for your family and providing financially.

But, as I have continued reading Leslie Bennett’s "The Feminine Mistake", a more public aspect of this decision becomes clear. As I have said many times, change in the workplace will only come about when parents begin to demand change. While an individual who gets the work arrangement that he or she needs will advance the cause, it is only through a collective effort that we will see real change

As we know (and I will talk more about this week), workplace flexibility has been primarily a women’s issue. After reading Bennett’s book, I have started to thing more about my obligation to the women who came before me to continue advancing womens’ place in the work world. If not for ourselves, but for our daughters so that they don’t need books about work/life balance when they are old enough to pursue a career?

Here is an excerpt from Bennett’s book that is directed at women who chose to opt out instead of demanding the work arrangement they need:

“So here’s one message a lot of successful women would like to pass on to those who think that opting out is the answer: If you don’t like the way things are set up, work to change them. If you have problems with the way your job is structured, figure out some creative alternatives. If you just walk away from paid employment, you will not only have cheated yourself of the opportunities that might have come your way but you will also have forfeited your chance to have an impact for the better. As Mahatma Gandhi put it, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.””

Jon & Kate Plus Eight

Let me just admit it, I am a reality TV junkie. I don't know what the attraction is, I am an just drawn to reality shows. I particularly like those on TLC, as they seem to be a little more interesting and less dramatic.

So another one that has me thinking about family friendly work is the one I am watching while I type, "Jon & Kate Plus Eight." It is about a young couple that has twin daughters who I think are now 6 or 7 years old, along with six three-year olds. (learn more about the show here) I enjoy it becasue their kids are about the same age as mine, there are just many more. It makes my life seem easy.

The first year I watched it Jon worked full-time and Kate had cut back to just a day or so a week as a nurse. This season, they say that Kate quit her job as a nurse to stay home with her kids. So how do you support a family of ten on one salary? Well, you do a reality TV show! You then become a celebrity and get paid big bucks to do speaking engagements.

I have no idea how much Kate and Jon make to film this show, but you have to believe that TLC makes it worthwhile for them. Further, they are constantly getting free trips and products from companies that want to be featured on the show. Some people may criticize them, suggesting that they are exploiting their children. But I don't see it that way, and I am sure that Jon and Kate don't see it that way either. In fact, they mentioned at one point that they are excited to have their kids' young lives on tape. With eight kids, who has time to pull out a video camera?

In addition to the revenue from the show, Jon and Kate are also paid to speak at events. I checked out their website and see they have a fairly active speaking schedule. It seems like they mostly speak at religous events, and they pretty much seem to just be sharing their story. But, they are paid to do so.

If you have eight young children, working outside of the house would be close to impossible. How much money would you have to make to offset daycare costs? And how exhausted would you be trying to get out of the house each day? I am pretty much exhausted from just trying to get two ready to go.

Now obviously not everyone can get a reality show, or get paying speaking engagements, but there are ways to get work in around your kids lives. Or better yet, you can integrate your work into your kids lives as Kate and Jon have done.

For me, it involves sometimes grading papers while the kids draw pictures. I read about a florist mom who took her daughter to the flower wholesales shops with her each day to pick up flowers. Or my friend Jill who flips houses. She often takes the kids along to see houses or has them around while she works on the properties she owns. Other ideas?

Secret Life of a Soccer Mom

The Learning Channel (TLC) debuts a new reality show next week that gives a stay-at-home mom a glimpse at the career she dreamed of before making the choice to stay home. (Read more here, airs on Monday, March 3 at 10pm).

I'm planning to watch as I am curious where they are going with the show. Is it to show us that no career matches the joy of staying at home? Or to allow those at home to think about what they might be missing from a career standpoint? Or is it just another reality show that will find the drama where it can?

They report that at the end of the show the featured mom will make a decision as to whether she will begin her new 'dual' life as a working mom, or if she will return home. There are so many issues related to this decision, I am curious to see how they address it. Will they explore the financial impact of the decision? Look at self-esteem issues? Explore the kids' reactions?

I guess they have at least lured me to watch it. Will let you know what I think once I see it.

Fortune's 100 Best Companies to Work For

Generally you will find that if a company has good, solid management practices, they often also have family friendly practices and policies. Good managment practices often create an environment where people want to work.

One of the most well recognized lists of good companies to work for is the Fortune 100 Best Companies to Wor For. Companies are rated on a variety of aspects including benefits offered, turnover rates, job growth and number of women. Fortune has recently relaeased their 2008 list.

While one of these 100 companies may not be near you, you can first learn more about good management practices by learning about the types of benefits and policies that these companies provide for their employees. Further, many local organizations create lists similar to Fortune's which recognize good management practices at companies near you. For example, I am in Northeast Ohio and a local organization here sponsors the Northcoast 99 which showcases the top 99 local employers.